Today I ate chicken fried rice

I am a vegetarian. A large part of it is because I was born in a family which is vegetarian. But I am not a proud fanatic vegetarian, who denigrates people who prefer non-vegetarian food. In fact, I don’t spend much time thinking or discussing people’s food choices. But I am writing this blog today out of a deeply hurtful incident that transpired today. I reflect in this blog about why I was hurt and what I should do about it.  

It was a very busy and hectic clinic day. I saw more than 46 patients, all with complicated diabetes at various stages of severity of the diseases. I had reviewed all their detailed laboratory reports and my head was in a daze of lab values and numbers. The clinic started around 9.30 AM and it was already 3.30 PM before we could break for lunch. My ears were ringing with a buzzing sound with hunger. 

 

All the staff sat together in a circle and the lunch packets were opened. There were two large packets of fried rice with green, orange, and white color. My hunger was making me dizzy. As I was eagerly looking at the food, my friend served me some of it. I noticed that another friend of mine had already started eating it and I dug in. The food was delicious and before I could even realize what was happening, I finished my plate. It was at that precise time that I was trying to get up and wash my hands, our nurse who was sitting next to me remarked, “henceforth we can order chicken fried rice for Sir also, now that he has eaten it in front of us”. I just looked around in surprise, and they all smiled and grinned. They said it is chicken fried rice that I had just eaten. One of them said, “sir, we thought you knew”, one said, “sir, I thought you are keeping the chicken pieces aside and eating just the rice” and I couldn’t hear the other remarks that were made. I couldn’t process what I was going through and so I just got up amidst all the smiles and grins and washed my hands and walked off. 

 

As time moved on, and as I walked in the room, I started processing the events in my mind. I have been working with the staff of the clinic for more than 10 years now, and more than 3 years with some of the junior staff. They all knew that I am vegetarian and do not eat meat. Some of them have even mocked and made fun of me about my food preference. But they served me the chicken fried rice and did not inform me what it was. After watching me eat fully, they even told me that henceforth they will order meat for me. This hurt me deeply. As time passed, and as I processed the event more deeply in my mind, the hurt was getting worse. I got into the bathroom locked up myself and cried. I washed my face and came out and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. But the hurt was deep. 

 

Vegetarianism is often linked with elitism, casteism and Brahminism. I am a Brahmin by birth and belong to a privileged class of the society. I have never faced any discrimination based on my birth, my social status, or my food preference. I have had things rather easy and have sometimes felt a bit guilty about the privilege that I have. I had the opportunity to interact and be friends with great people many of whom belonged to diverse backgrounds and had different food choices. I have travelled to more than 10 countries around the world and have met and interacted with people of very different food preferences. Through these experiences, I have respect for other people’s food preferences. I have never been a vociferous advocate for vegetarianism. As a medical doctor practicing community medicine, I understand the limitations of vegetarianism and the advantages of eating meat. But through all this, I have held on to my belief and principle of staying a vegetarian. I do not have a rationale for this. I don’t want to call it a caste identity, because I don’t bear the other caste symbols that are typical of a Brahmin. I don’t want to call it love for animals, because I don’t claim to be a great lover of animals. If anything, I am apathetic to them. They are just co-inhabitants of this planet. I am clear that vegetarian diets are limited in their scope and nutritive value from the evidence that I have read and understood and don’t claim that vegetarianism is medically superior. So, the only reason for why I am a vegetarian is that I believe it, I like it and I prefer it. Will I eat meat to ensure my survival? Yes, I probably will. I have never had a situation like that so far in my life. Have I eaten meat accidentally without my knowledge? Yes, I have done so. Once I was teaching in a medical university in Jakarta. I was staying in one of the big hotels there. I had ordered for veg spring rolls through room service, as I was tired after a long day’s teaching and didn’t want to go out. They brought some sumptuous looking spring rolls that were appetizing. I ate them in one go. After about half an hour the waiter came back knocked the door and apologized that he had brought chicken spring rolls by mistake. I didn’t bother much about it because it was totally not under my control. But what happened today in my clinic was a totally different event. 

 

I ate a serving of chicken fried rice. What is the big deal? Why am I hurt? Is it wrong to eat chicken fried rice? Are all people who eat chicken fried rice inferior and bad people? If not, then why am I hurt? I was asking myself these questions during the long and tedious car ride home. What is the big deal? No big deal. I ate chicken fried rice. It is going out of my intestines tomorrow, or at the latest the day after in my stools. That is all it is. Why am I hurt then? I am hurt because all my friends know very well that I am a vegetarian and still did not inform me clearly that they were serving me meat. In fact, they have previously ordered food separately for me based on my preference. Today, they decided to serve me the chicken fried rice, without even clearly telling me what it is. They decided to watch me eat it and then at the end of it just quip flippantly that henceforth I am a meat eater. It is not at all wrong to eat chicken fried rice. Some of the people who ate it today are my best friends and I know they are genuinely good people. But I am hurt because, they know that I am a good person too, they consider me their friend too, they know that I am vegetarian and I avoid eating meat, but still they never considered it for a minute to ask me, if I knew it was meat that I was eating. They never asked me whether I really want the meat, as I usually don’t eat it. 

 

But then, I also realized that there are other possibilities that could have happened. They could have seen how tired and hungry I was and did not have the heart to stop me from eating the food that I was cherishing. They could have thought it is disrespectful to stop me from eating something. They could have thought that I knew it is meat and still chose to eat it because I was hungry, because as I said earlier, I am not someone who would rather die than eat meat. But one thing which I am just not able to get my head around is the statement, “so, shall we now henceforth order chicken fried rice for you also”. That too the statement was made after I finished eating. It seemed so perfectly timed. I may be vilifying an otherwise benign act, but in my current state of hurt, that is one of the possibilities that is running in my mind. 

 

I have learned today that I am solely responsible for protecting and preserving my beliefs and preferences. However, close my friends may be, however much I may know them to be familiar with me, I need to be solely responsible for upholding my choices, preferences and beliefs. I have learned that being different and believing in things that are different from others, needs one to be cautious and aware always. I know I will never eat anything offered by my friends without checking first. That was how I ate chicken fried rice today. I ate chicken fried rice, I am a vegetarian!