Pride Month Guest Post - Being Visibly Queer in a medical college.

Being visibly queer in a medical college.

- Aadhithya Hridhaya


#TriggerWarning - Emotional abuse, bullying, queerphobia








Contrary to the popular opinion that medical colleges are progressive and more inclusive, they are the most regressive ones. Most of the spaces that we queers get access to discriminate us without exceptions.

The very first day of my college life made me feel very much uncomfortable and cornered. I understood that the learning space I got access to would have my thoughts and expressions forcefully silenced routinely and shatter my sense of self-worth for the rest of my college days. My visible queerness challenged the already existing system and threatened it so much, that in defence, it always tries to box me and put me on the top of a cliff, constantly inducing me fear of being outed or thrown far away from existence.

Being openly queer in closed spaces like educational institutions can result in being highly discriminated and mistreated. The challenge is real and beyond I can put it in words. The first month of my college life was very difficult 'cause my seniors and batchmates found my Facebook profile and saw a few posts I wrote about being queer. I was left with no choice but to come out to my friends 'cause people had already started talking about my identity in my absence and false information were already on air.

I didn't really want to come out to anyone. I came out to a few friends 'cause I was afraid to be outed by people. Responses were mixed. A few tapered their connection with me 'cause they didn't want to be friends with a queer person. A few asked me questions that broke me. Only a very few were understanding, open to learn and correct themselves and make me feel comfortable.

Whenever a movie or a random viral video on the internet that deals with a queer person is discussed by people around me in negative tones, I feel extremely disturbed, left alone and stranded in a society where I am "the different" that is conditioned to be excluded and seen low by people.



Being visibly queer means being vulnerable to problems in all dimensions. Bullying is never new to us. But the chronic effects of each episode and the resulting anxiety issues and minority stress detracts us queers from our goals. Many of us try harder and harder to reach our goals only to end up being scarred.

From tagging me in homophobic memes to being beaten up late night on my way back to hostel from a theatre just 'cause I was wearing a nose-ring and had my eyes lined and sexual abuse, bullying and abuse comes in different forms. I can't report bullying to the college management 'cause it's conservative and I'm a queer person. I can't report strangers bullying me to the police 'cause I'm a queer person. My complaints would only turn against myself and complicate the situation more.

My safety has always been my priority. Staying away from people seemed like a better option most of the times. I still keep myself away from most people. Though it gave me some peace, it had silently made a huge damage to my mental health. I stopped talking to people often and shut myself down. Sitting in my room, staring at the wall for half a day became a part of my daily schedule. Socialising became a very difficult task. Episodes of panic attacks were common. To understand that I wasn't providing the safety I deserve, it took me a long time. Only when I had a panic attack, fell inside the bathroom and had nobody to attend, I realised the damage started progressing to become irreversible.

The time I hit the threshold level, I knew I had to take the responsibility for myself. I tried different things to help me get better. I went to beach on Saturday nights with my nose ring on, met a few people and explored my sexuality, started reading and explored art. It was my way of getting better and it did get better. I regularly reinforced to myself that quitting isn’t an option for me.

My college life is still bad. Most of my batchmates stopped talking to me. Strangers still call me names and pass comments. Internalised phobia, body shaming and identity crisis are on the list too.

I may take breaks, fall, break and damage me more in the process. But I don't think I'm going to stop fighting them. This battle's long and we don't want to stop fighting them. Let us keep that flame alive.

The only solution is working towards making all spaces more inclusive and queer-friendly. It's possible only when you come forward, listen to us and understand. Nothing else is helping.
Listen. Learn.


Aadhithya Hridhaya, who identifies as queer, is a medical student and a writer from Chennai